大神，有空请帮我看下我的开发信，谢谢
Dear Mr. James Likangaga：Nice day!
This is Lyle from Guangdong Qinxin Technology Co.，Ltd which focuses on commercial induction cooker in China for 15 years. I’m writing to you for possible business in the future. Thank you.
It was our pleasure to meet you at Guangzhou Canton Fair last year where we show you a series of our product.
Our commercial induction cooker have gathered a lot of attention in the Marketplace.We believe that you can reply on us as we can provide you satisfactory service and product with best quality and most competitive price in the world. Thank you.
Do you need our product catalog? Please contact me anytime if you have any other questions! Thank you.
Looking forward to your reply!
Yours faithfully,
Lyle
1.which focuses on commercial induction cooker in China for 15 years-------用现在完成（进行）时更好，且句子过长
2.It was ------lastyear ----we show ---------时态不对啊，且累赘（a series of our product.）
3Our commercial induction cooker have gathered a lot of attention in the Marketplace.We believe that you can reply on us as we can provide you satisfactory service and product with best quality and most competitive price in the world--------太累赘
4.Do you need our product catalog? Please contact me anytime if you have any other questions! Thank you.--------我一定不回你
谢谢，但是第三句和第四句需要怎么改呢？是否可以说的更具体些？
过于啰嗦，重点不突出
你可以这样，
我是来自xxx的xxx，很高兴在xxx地方给您展示过我们的产品xxx。
我们的产品怎么样，我们可以为您提供什么，比如服务，比如价格等等，为您公司带来更好的收益等等
期待我们能够合作
注意用词
觉得重点不突出，主题不鲜明，最好用列举法1、2、3将要表达的表述出来，让人一目了然！
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